


Tiresias in de la Renta

by merryghoul



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Community: hc_bingo, Crack, F/F, Genderswap, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-23 16:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair spends a day in a masculine body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tiresias in de la Renta

**Author's Note:**

> hc_bingo square: surprise sexswap

Blair woke up in her bed six inches taller than she was the night before. Her jaw was thicker. Her eyebrows were heavier. When she woke up she didn’t notice any of these things. The thing that tipped Blair off, that something was different, was her penis. It was erect and poking through her bed sheets. Blair pulled her bed sheets down. Her new masculine body had ripped apart her nightgown. She looked like a non-green version of the Incredible Hulk.

“Dorota!” Her voice had deepened a few octaves.

Blair ran to her vanity mirror and checked out her new features. In addition to her jaw, her eyebrows were thicker and heavier. Her hips had narrowed and she had more muscle mass. Her breasts went down a few sizes. No wonder why she went to bed early feeling pain all over her body.

Dorota walked into Blair’s bedroom. She ran out, screaming.

“Dorota? Dorota? It’s me, Blair!”

***

“Abrams!” a deep voice whispered in the café.

Vanessa looked up from her New York Times. A young man with long brown hair was sitting at a table close to hers.

“Come here!”

Vanessa sat at the man’s table. The man was wearing a white tee shirt, a pair of dress pants and dress shoes. The man seemed familiar to Vanessa. Even though the man a heavy jaw and a large nose, Vanessa kept looking into the man’s big brown eyes. They reminded her of…

“Blair?”

“Yes, it’s me, Abrams.”

“What happened to you?”

“I don’t know. I went to bed last night as a woman and when I woke up my nightgown was completely ripped apart and I had a penis between my legs. Dorota talked Vanya into lending her a shirt and some of his clothes he wears to work. And now I look like a commoner. I came to you since you have experience with gay people.”

“Gay people? Blair, are you talking about”—

“Ruby, your sister?”

“Blair, my sister is a lesbian. Being a lesbian isn’t the same as being a transgendered individual.”

“What do I do, Abrams? How do I talk to Serena about this? What happens when Nate and Humphrey and—oh, God—Chuck find out about this? And this news will be plastered on the front page of Gossip Girl.”

Vanessa put down her _Times._ She took a breath. “Blair, do you still feel like you’re a woman?”

Blair took a moment to think. “Yes.”

“Then you’re a woman.”

“But I have a penis, Abrams.”

“It doesn’t matter whether you have a penis or not, you’re still a woman, Blair. I don’t know if you’ll wake up tomorrow morning with a vagina or not, but as long as you still want to be Blair Waldorf, you’ll still be Blair Waldorf. Don’t you have enough money to buy some more designer dresses?”

“How will I wear them? I have a _penis._ ”

“Carefully, so no one can see it.”

Vanessa folded up her _Times_ and left it on the café table. “Come on, Blair. Your penis doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.”

***

Vanessa and Blair skipped their classes and spent the day shopping for clothes for Blair. Blair was still slim enough to fit into a woman’s dress, and the two settled on an Oscar de la Renta dress from his latest resort collection.

As the two were leaving the Oscar de la Renta boutique, Blair fell down to her knees. Vanessa grabbed the dress and picked it up from the ground.

“Abrams, those pains…they’re coming back…but they’re stronger.”

“You need to go home, Blair.”

“Can you spend the night with me, Abrams? You were nice enough to skip classes to help me out with a dress.”

“Sure. I’ll call Ruby and tell her I won’t be in the apartment tonight.”

***

Blair and Vanessa spent the evening talking in bed about one thing they shared in common, movies. Their short movie discussion led into a viewing of _Roman Holiday_ until Blair’s pains overwhelmed her to the point she had to go to bed. Vanessa fell asleep by her side.

The next morning Blair woke up and discovered her penis was gone. Her body had returned to its normal state. She felt her chest and it had female breasts again. Her hips and chin were back.

Vanessa was still sleeping by Blair’s side. Blair kissed her lightly on the lips. Vanessa woke up.

“Thank you, Abrams.” Even her voice was back to normal.

“So, now we’re back to being frenemies again?”

“Yes, Abrams, and I am deeply ashamed that I spent a whole day with _you_ in an Oscar de la Renta boutique looking for a dress I have to return now and claim my cross-dressing cousin bought with my credit card yesterday.” Blair laughed.

Vanessa smiled. “You’re welcome, Blair.”


End file.
